The second new moon after the winter solstice is the mark of the lunar new year, and this year is the year of the dragon, the only mythical creature included in the Chinese Zodiac. Last time we were in the Year of the Dragon, Mindy gave birth to twins! We were told that boy-girl twins in a Year of the Dragon were very auspicious–a Dragon-Phoenix pair was to bring us good luck.

At the time, short on sleep and goodwill, I tried my best not to consider them a curse. Looking back, we realize they were indeed a magical addition to our lives; we can’t imagine our lives as happy without their beautiful presence. And that’s how it goes.

Maybe you may have already set some intentions for the year in the form of resolutions. I am not one for resolutions. I prefer taking inventory. But this year, I felt like making one resolution. I am committed to finding a way to relate to the beliefs of the people closest to me. I have been so helped by people who felt to act in ways according to beliefs I do not share that I want to find a way to connect my beliefs with theirs. 

In this Year of the Dragon, and during this New Moon, I find my mind reflecting on the magical things I’ve learned by being more open. This week, Mindy shared some of the lovely things discussed during book club and a couple of exercises that helped her feel more grounded and unattached when her natural impulse was to anxiously wait, fretting about what could happen. 

So, if you want to join me, let’s lean into making this year as prosperous and magical as the Dragon, a benevolent divine force which, when engaged in a race, came in fifth, not because it lacked the ability to trounce the competition but because it saw that stopping to provide water for a village in need had priority over ego. Sometimes, winning life is forgetting the race.

May this year be magical for you and those you love,

–Gonzo

NEAT!

• Anyone else relate? 😅

• We love these. A new friend was transfixed by the experience of having these dance across her body. She is a follower of tantric practices and noticed that these are one of a very small number of experiences that are as enjoyable to receive as they are to give and to witness!

• Spotify gave me a delightful song on my “Wild Shamanic Early Morning” Daylist this week.

• Mindy’s been a huge Tracy Chapman fan for decades (She got to see her perform live back in 2000!), and her Grammy performance gave me a lot of lovely feels.

• Valentine’s Day is this week! The most important love is self-love. Give Mindy’s Self-Love Playlist a listen, and remember that you’re awesome!

This week in Book Club we discussed Chakra Two (chapter three in the Wheels of Life by Anodea Judith). It was a smaller group, just six of us. We were delighted to realize that the first five of us to arrive were all wearing orange of some shade, which is the color of the second chakra. Only one of us did it intentionally. So that was a delightful little coincidence. 

We opened Book Club by listening to the meditation that opens the chapter. As the element of the second chakra is water, there was a lot of beautiful imagery. 

After the meditation, we all shared something that gives us pleasure. I encouraged people to think of something subtle or maybe a little bit unique to them. “Light caresses on the underside of the forearm.” “Freefalling into water.” “Seeing the light coming through the leaves.” “Hot baths.” “Adding extra sensory elements into an already pleasurable experience, like playing different music while making love, or burning a scented candle during a bath.” I had a bit of a show and tell, or maybe show and feel, and brought out Kenari seed rattles. And I talked about how to me they sound like rain or a bubbling stream and feel like dry water going over my body. I passed them around for everyone to experience, and some reported chills when they danced the shaker on the top of their heads. 

Several attendees remarked that it was kind of lovely to have only women attending tonight. David was traveling, and I know some people were out with sickness. We were sure the conversation would have been wonderful either way, but there was a safety and and intimacy with just women in attendance.

It’s lovely to look at the second chakra and the ways it builds on the first. The first chakra gives us solidness and stability, while the second introduces movement and change. The first is the power of the earth and unchanging strength of rocks and mountains, while the second is the mystery and constant change of rivers, oceans, and storms. The first is predictable and the second chaotic. The first two chakras exemplify masculine and feminine energy, in all their beauty and dualistic power. 

The second chakra really packs a punch and encompasses so much: it is the center of sexuality, as well as emotions, sensation, pleasure, movement, and nurturance. (p. 112)  Whereas the first chakra encourages a solitary connection to the earth, emphasizing the importance of security in one’s own being, this chakra is all about connection with others. It makes me think of a young child, first growing and thriving in a deeply dependent relationship with a caregiver and then blossoming to discover their own unique self and being able to choose connection, after becoming aware of the reality of separation. 

Pleasure was a rich topic for discussion. Everyone could relate to the idea of pleasure somehow being encompassed with strictures, and that it was at least self indulgent and very possibly sinful to engage in pleasurable activities. Several people shared the challenge of growing up in a religion with such a strong taboo around everything sexual and how that proved challenging to overcome in adulthood. I shared an insight we learned from Jennifer Finlayson-Fife that has been a game changer in our own sexuality, which is that the goal needn’t be climax, because then you can fail, but rather should be pleasure and play. If we go into a sexual encounter with the twin goals of experiencing pleasure and feeling playful, we are almost guaranteed a win. We speculated about the origins of sexuality being seen as bad and harmful, and wondered what was gained by that. The book mentions studies that point to a correlation between a society’s repressed sexuality and an increase in violent behavior. It sure does seem like that may be a notable factor at play in our country. 

The book highlights the part of the word “emotion” that is “motion.” Motion means to move and the prefix “e” means out. Emotions are supposed to help us move so we don’t remain stuck. We move towards and away from people and experiences based on our emotions. It is also of utmost importance to allow our emotions to move through us. When we stuff them down, we close ourselves off to the energy of life. We remain stuck in the past and can not be open to life, which is always right now. 

One of the last topics of the chapter is the idea of nurturance. Nurturance means caring for, feeding with energy, love, and touch. Nurturance is the essence of maternal qualities, our first experience of blissful transcendence, of warmth and security. (p. 131)  People mentioned how, especially for women, there is a cultural narrative to be nurturing to others and how that is validated and praised. But when it comes to nurturing ourselves, it is shrouded in guilt. We discussed how unfortunate it is that “guilty pleasures” is such a commonly used phrase, because it implies that we should be guilty, that somehow pleasure is wrong. Can we enjoy the enjoyable things in our lives? Do we allow ourselves to take pleasure in the pleasurable? Do we feel in tune to the ebb and flow of our emotions and allow the sweet dance of duality in our relationships? Are there areas in our lives where we would benefit from change, yet we are resistant to it?  These are some of the questions that the second chakra invites us to ask ourselves.

SOMETHING TO TRY

I was anxiously waiting for a response to something this week, and had been all morning. I mentioned that to my friend Kristen via text. She replied, “Have you considered not waiting? Have you considered a letting go / radical unattachment? Sort of like foundationally presuming no response, and letting any response be a surprise, something to greet only if it arrives?” No, I hadn’t thought of that. So I tried it. I told myself that I would not get a response, and the emotions instantly welled up in me. My eyes got teary. I mentioned that to her.

“I’m here if you want to name them.”

I closed my eyes and noticed the sensations and hints of so many emotions. What is that one? Oh, and what’s this one? I typed them out as their names came to me.

• Grief

• Relief

• Unburdening

• Release

• Allowing

• Sadness

• Hope

• Compassion

• Tenderness

• Loneliness

The anxiety that had been present dissipated. The swirling cross-breezes of the acceptance-accompanying emotions calmed down. It felt good to feel peaceful again.

This is really two things to try, I guess. 😊 Radical Unattachment/Radical Acceptance (I’m reading Tara Brach’s fantastic book by this name) and naming emotions, a tool she calls "Name It to Tame It,” if you like catchy rhyming names.

PARTING

WORDS

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That’s all for this week! If you’re into this, share this newsletter with all your friends. Connecting with new subscribers is magical! 🧚🏻‍♀️

DISCLAIMER: This newsletter is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice.