Hello and happy Sunday! We were sorry to miss getting a newsletter out last week, but it made me think that maybe giving ourselves a bye week once a month wouldn’t be a bad approach. This week was a bit of an asskick for David and I, and he’s turned in early tonight so I’m flying solo and writing my own introduction. 😅 (For this reason, please don’t hold any glaring errors against me…one can only look at and reread one’s own words so many times!)

This month we’re reflecting on rituals, what they are, why do them, all the stuff. I hope you find some value in exploring this topic with us. Thanks for reading!

-Mindy

What is Ritual? 

What comes to mind when you hear the word ritual? For most of my life, the word conjured up images of grand cathedrals, Catholic priests, and scripted ceremonies. Growing up Mormon, we had our own rituals, but none of them seemed to quite meet my standard of what a real ritual was. Maybe the buildings weren’t fancy enough, or the words not scripted enough, or the clothes not wacky enough, or maybe it was just because anything that would qualify as a ritual in my own religious experience had just become routine, something seemingly done just to check the box in order to move on to the next thing.  

I don’t mean that Mormon rituals are meaningless or that rituals have to have pomp and circumstance to avoid becoming routine; I think no amount of pomp can make that guarantee. The biggest difference between ritual and routine is the felt experience of the individual involved. I think that any ritual can become a routine, but I have wondered whether a routine can become a ritual. I believe the difference lies with mindfulness and intention, with an awareness that extends beyond the specifics of the activity itself. 

The Experiment: Finding Balance Through Small Intentional Acts

In early March of  2024 I was feeling frustrated to realize how up and down (and sideways) both my mood and energy level would be, sometimes in the course of a single day one of the other would fluctuate almost hourly. I couldn’t say if it was due to the weather, hormones, stressors, a result of having gotten better at allowing my feelings to surface so now they were just going crazy with this newfound freedom, or something else entirely, but it was a lot to deal with. I decided to use the rest of March as an experiment to see if I could have more influence on my mood/energy level. I crafted a list of 27 things I do that consistently give me a mood or energy boost. Then I devised a system for ranking my energy and mood each day, I think my original plan was to check in morning, midday, and night. If I was in a low space, I would do one of the activities on my list and see if that made a difference. I even looked to see if there were any apps that would make this easier. Not finding any, I drew a nice table in my journal to fill out throughout the month. Despite my best intentions and my snazzy table, I only filled in a handful of entries. But the experiment still had a profound effect–I started checking in with myself more regularly, and I noticed that days where I naturally stacked multiple “boosters” tended to be better days. It seemed so obvious: If I do things I enjoy, I feel better.  

But despite its simplicity, this insight was powerful. Most of the things on my list were just regular things that I did pretty frequently, things like spend time with David, the kids, friends, or a pet, reading, having a snack or a treat, yoga, spending time in nature, sex, journaling, a nap. And then there were the things I didn’t do as often, even though they were obvious things that would likely be beneficial to my mood & energy, like breathwork, mindfulness practice, or meditation. Having this list of boosters had the effect of putting all of these activities into the same bag, namely Ways to Show Up For Myself. And suddenly meditating wasn’t “better” than reading or spending time with a pet or eating a treat, though of course their boosting powers varied depending upon other factors at play. All of these were ways I could tend to myself, after mindfully checking in with myself. In effect, this effort of listing these activities and then engaging in them intentionally had ritualized them, and they were free from the compulsion and attending “shoulds” that come with routine. 

Routine vs Ritual: Coffee, Tea, and the Power of Intention

I think my experience with coffee and tea make a good case study for exploring the differences between routine and ritual. 

I make and drink coffee almost every morning. On weekdays during the school year, it’s purely functional–made while multitasking, reheated multiple times, and consumed as part of a long checklist of morning tasks. It’s routine. 

But on weekends or summer mornings, my morning coffee often  becomes something else entirely. I slow down. I savor the process of making it. I take it outside if the weather allows.  Sometimes I even add an extra component to the ritual, such as pouring out a little coffee on the ground as a thank you, inspired by Braiding Sweetgrass.

In contrast, my tea drinking is ritual most of the time. I rarely drink tea just to check a box in order to get that delicious caffeine into my system. Instead, I prepare it with intention, often as part of a cozy reading session or a quiet evening or winding down before bed (Sleepytime Tea is truly magical). I hold the warmth of the mug, stay mindful of the temperature, and appreciate each sip. Unlike my coffee, my tea almost never needs to be reheated. 

This contract highlights something important: the difference is not in the activity itself but in the presence and intention I bring to it. 

Rituals as Anchors During Difficult Times

This past week was rough. Our son had a health scare while far from home, and we were struggling to support him from a distance. Additionally, it became apparent that it was nearing time to say goodbye to our beloved senior dog, Orbit. All of this worry and sadness layered on top of the constant undercurrent of political stress and uncertainty. On Wednesday I texted David that I felt like I was either crying or about to cry, pretty much constantly. He agreed. In this agitated and trouble state, what I most wanted was not presence, it was distraction. But the distraction would always end and I’d be left back where I’d started.

But Friday night I took the twins to Provo’s Downtown Art Stroll, and one of the hosting venues had some interactive activities, one of which was a chance to receive some tuning fork therapy. This is done by activating a tuning fork and placing the bottom of it somewhere on your body, since the activities were all heart related, she placed it on the center of my chest, the location of the heart chakra. She did this with a few different forks, and encouraged me to take deep breaths and let them out slowly. Sitting there on the bench, being attended to with kindness, and giving myself some minutes of quiet just to be where I was, to feel what was present, without pressure to accomplish some other task or get away from the feelings. And after she was done, I felt better than I’d felt all week. Maybe it was the vibrations of the tuning forks, maybe they really did break up some bad energy inside of me and I let it out with my long, deep exhales. I’m open to that. But I think the more powerful part was just the kindness, the attention, and the space created for me to be present with myself with kindness. I think she could have done almost anything with that same kind attention and had a similar effect. This is the power of ritual, and it can be done with others as well as independently. 

The “Should” Trap: Keeping Rituals from Becoming Routine

A challenge I’ve faced with rituals is avoiding the trap of should. 

When I find something I enjoy that gives me a boost–like lying on our shakti mat after a shower–it’s easy for my brain to turn it into a task. “I should do this more often.” But as soon as something becomes an obligation, becomes laden with expectation or pressure, it starts losing its magic. 

A friend at a recent Witchy Wednesday gathering shared that she transformed her morning coffee into a ritual by drinking it outside, no matter the weather. She struggled with routines because of the pressure of “should” and the disappointment of missing a day. Relatable. 

For me, that sense of “should” is a key indicator that something is on its way to being routine-ized. If I want it to maintain its power and magic as a ritual, it’s imperative to stay clear of that. The difference between a ritual and a routine is often the presence of joy, rather than duty. 

Making Rituals Your Own: Me and the Moon

For a few years, I wanted to do full moon rituals but felt self-conscious about it. I didn’t know much about this sort of thing, having never done it. It appealed to me, but I didn’t want to feel fake or like I was pretending. And there was the question of what I would even do.  Make a bonfire? Simply gaze at the moon? Recite something? Finally, I came across an idea to make moonwater, which is exactly what it sounds like. You put water in a container, and set it in the moonlight. Voila! Moon water! So that’s where I started. This tiny ritual gave me a doorway into something bigger. 

A new friend I made in 2023 shared my appreciation for witchy and nature things, so I invited her to join me for a full moon ritual. She did, and we met almost monthly for the better part of a year. We would take turns planning things to include in our full moon nights; having a partner in these rituals helped my rituals feel more valid somehow. After a while I realized that doing this all with a friend made the effort I went into planning and preparing supplies seem more worth it. I wouldn’t have taken so much care just for myself. That realization came with some sadness. 

Our monthly moon meetups have faded, but I’ve realized I’m comfortable doing these rituals on my own. I’m mindful of the phases of the moon, so in the days leading up to the full moon I’ll check in with myself and also with my calendar. I craft a ritual that suits where I am at and the time and energy available to me. A full moon ritual may include playing sound bowls, making moon water, doing nature arrangements, lighting candles, crystals/rocks, making moon water, writing intentions on a paper to burn, journaling, dancing inside or out under the moonlight, going on a moonlit walk, doing a guided meditation, pulling tarot or oracle cards. Sometimes I invite David or one or more of the kids to join for part of it. Every time, I’m fed by the effort I put into it.   

Why Ritual Matters

Rituals tell us that we matter. 

 In strong relationships, we show our love by spending time together, paying attention, and demonstrating care. The same is true in our relationship with ourselves. Engaging in rituals–no matter how small–sends the message that our experience of life and our feelings are important. We are worth the effort. I have found this to be the most important aspect of self care–reminding ourselves of the truth: that we matter. 

The last thing I want is for anyone to read our thoughts about rituals this month and think, “Oh great, another thing to add to my list of things to do.” I recommend looking for something you’re already doing regularly, that ostensibly you enjoy, and see if you can make it more enjoyable by ritualizing it. I have improved my showers and getting ready processes by finding ways to ritualize them. (Hint: it’s mostly about being present and really noticing what is going on, and enjoying the physical sensations and getting satisfaction from attending to myself kindly.) I still take plenty of quick, thoughtless, routine showers, but periodically I get to have a shower ritual, and it is lovely.

Circling back to my thoughts about ritual at the beginning of this piece, I think ritual is challenging to scale. Despite our best efforts, we can’t really know another’s feelings or perspective, so there’s a high likelihood that a ritual that resonates with one person will fall flat with the next. And aspects that seem deeply important to some will feel arbitrary to others. I never connected very deeply with the rituals of Mormonism, and I think a lot of that was due to the very strong “should” that accompanied them all. Even something that could have been very personal and self-connecting and reflective like prayer had so much pressure and expectation around it that it felt both routine and also potentially eternally catastrophic if I neglected it.

Ritual is not about adding more to your to-do list—it’s about making space of yourself in a way that feels nourishing

-Mindy

NEAT!

Stuff we think is neat enough to share! (David⚡️ & Mindy✨)

• I’ve listened to most of this album by Thornato and really like it. Check out Chapinero and Eight Year Rebound for a taste. 🎶✨

• Joeira by Kurup. I really dig the texture on this one. 🎶✨

• And one more awesome vibes song: Duat by Trippin Jaguar et all. 🎶✨

• If you’ve been on your own journey of healing and growth, you might find this comic as relatable as I did. ✨

SOMETHING TO TRY

Create Your Own Mini Ritual

Rituals don’t have to be elaborate—they just need to be intentional. This week, try transforming a small, everyday action into a ritual by adding presence and purpose to it.     1.    Pick an activity – Choose something you already do regularly, like making tea, taking a walk, or washing your face at night.     

2.    Set an intention – Before starting, pause for a moment and acknowledge why you’re doing it. Maybe it’s to nourish yourself, to reset your energy, or to cultivate calm.  

3.    Engage with full attention – Slow down. Notice the sensory details. Feel the warmth of the mug, listen to the crunch of your footsteps, or savor the sensation of water on your skin.     

4.    Close with a small gesture – Take a deep breath, express gratitude (even silently), or place a hand on your heart as a reminder that you matter.

The goal isn’t to add another “should” to your day—it’s to take something ordinary and infuse it with meaning. See how it feels to approach a routine this way and whether it shifts your experience.

(This idea brought to you via a human/AI collaboration)

PARTING

WORDS

PIC

That’s all for this week! If you’re into this, share this newsletter with all your friends. Connecting with new subscribers is magical! 🧚🏻‍♀️

DISCLAIMER: This newsletter is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice.